"Last Saturday night we were dressed and ready to go out to a party. We turned on a night light, covered our pet budgie and put the cat in the garden.
Because we knew we would be having a few drinks, we called a taxi. As we walked out the door the cat we had put out in the garden, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, saying "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later I get into the cab.
'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the garden! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!'
One evening she was giving a supper for a few friends and made a baked tuna loaf. She set it out to cool before they ate and worked on the other courses.
She turned around and found the cat up on the counter nibbling on the corner of the tuna loaf. She chased the cat out in the yard and repaired the loaf as best she could. Well, they had a nice dinner and everyone left to go home.
Coming back in the house after saying goodbye to the last guests, she stumbled on the body of the cat on the ground beside the end of the driveway. Putting two and two together, she assumed something in the tuna caused the cat's death and hurriedly called the guests and sent them to the ER to have their stomachs pumped.
Coming back home from the hospital, she pulled into the driveway and the neighbor came out to talk with her. The neighbor told her "I'm really sorry, but I backed out of the driveway to go to the store and I hit your cat."
For years, I thought this was a true story until one day I read the same story in Readers Digest. My dad confirmed that it had always been a joke that she told so well.
A friend told me this
)
A friend told me this tale:-
"Last Saturday night we were dressed and ready to go out to a party. We turned on a night light, covered our pet budgie and put the cat in the garden.
Because we knew we would be having a few drinks, we called a taxi. As we walked out the door the cat we had put out in the garden, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, saying "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later I get into the cab.
'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the garden! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!'
The silence in the cab was deafening."
Richard
My mom told this cat story
)
My mom told this cat story for years...
One evening she was giving a supper for a few friends and made a baked tuna loaf. She set it out to cool before they ate and worked on the other courses.
She turned around and found the cat up on the counter nibbling on the corner of the tuna loaf. She chased the cat out in the yard and repaired the loaf as best she could. Well, they had a nice dinner and everyone left to go home.
Coming back in the house after saying goodbye to the last guests, she stumbled on the body of the cat on the ground beside the end of the driveway. Putting two and two together, she assumed something in the tuna caused the cat's death and hurriedly called the guests and sent them to the ER to have their stomachs pumped.
Coming back home from the hospital, she pulled into the driveway and the neighbor came out to talk with her. The neighbor told her "I'm really sorry, but I backed out of the driveway to go to the store and I hit your cat."
For years, I thought this was a true story until one day I read the same story in Readers Digest. My dad confirmed that it had always been a joke that she told so well.
Seti Classic Final Total: 11446 WU.
Oh, WOW. Introducing a
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Oh, WOW.
Introducing a sub thread mix of Humor and "This thread has gone to the Cats"!!!
A Proud member of the O.F.A. (Old Farts Association). Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.® (Garrison Keillor)
When your cat puts their
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When your cat puts their claws down in your lap and you remove the cat abruptly. What is it called?
Catapult?
A Proud member of the O.F.A. (Old Farts Association). Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.® (Garrison Keillor)
When your cat puts their
)
Post deleted
A Proud member of the O.F.A. (Old Farts Association). Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.® (Garrison Keillor)
Knock, knock. Who's
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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Meow.
Meow who?
Meow in the cold! Let me in!
A Proud member of the O.F.A. (Old Farts Association). Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.® (Garrison Keillor)
I aspire to be human. :)
)
I aspire to be human.
:)
A Proud member of the O.F.A. (Old Farts Association). Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.® (Garrison Keillor)
Drop dead humor has a fatal
)
Drop dead humor has a fatal heart attack as the punch line.
A Proud member of the O.F.A. (Old Farts Association). Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.® (Garrison Keillor)
went into hardware store this
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went into hardware store this morning and asked for some nails.
The assistant asked: "How long do you want them?”
I said: “I want to keep them”.
Richard
From a book reporting on
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From a book reporting on graphiti.
"Jesus saves"
In different hand writing below it.
"But Moses invests"
A Proud member of the O.F.A. (Old Farts Association). Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.® (Garrison Keillor)