Light bulb jokes.
13 Jan 2006 8:59:04 UTC
Topic 190596
(moderation:
Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. Two to do it, and one to renormalise the wave function.
Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One: of course. Two to do it, and -1 to renormalise the wave-function. (Explanation - Renormalising the wave function is something that has to be done to a lot of quantum physics calculations to stop the answer being infinity and makes the answer always come out as one.)
Q: How many quantum mechanicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't. When they get the socket to hold still, they can't find it.
Q: How many quantum mechanicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't. If they know where the socket is, they cannot locate the new bulb.
Q: How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If you know the number, you don't know where the light bulb is.
Q: How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If you know how many, you can't know if they've done it yet.
Q: How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If you want to know how many, you can observe them as they come in the door. But if not observed, they come in waves.
Q: How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The probability that the light bulb will actually be changed in any time interval is independent of how long you've been waiting.
Kathryn :o)
Einstein@Home Moderator
Light bulb jokes.
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Q: How many Einsteins does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: That depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. Then it just might be easier to leave the bulb alone and change the room. It's all relative.
Kathryn :o)
Einstein@Home Moderator
How many fatalists does it
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
It doesn't matter, We're all going to die anyway.
How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Eight. One to change the bulb, and seven more to make sure Microsoft gets $2 every time a lightbulb is changed anywhere in the world.
How many Beta-testers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
We noticed the darkness; We didn't actually fix the problem.
How many Psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Just one. But the bulb has to really WANT to change.
Q: How many Zen masters does
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Q: How many Zen masters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two - one Zen master to change lightbulb and one Zen master not to change lightbulb
Q: How many Taoists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: The lightbulb you can change is not the real light bulb
Q: How many Zen koans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The Zen master was meditating when a student came in and asked him why he was sitting in darkness. The master asked "am I in darkness?". In that moment the student was enlightened.
Q: How many voters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: As many as possible but more than half of them have to agree
Q: How many voters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - if voting could change anything they'd make it illegal
Q: How many monetarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Exactly the right number (assuming the price was left to the market)
Q: How many Impressionists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Fish
;)
~~gravywavy
RE: Q: How many Zen masters
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This is a joke, irrelevant to
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This is a joke, irrelevant to light bulb, but not less funny :
Few centuries ago, in a village in East,lived an eccentric peasant who had the the response for all questions. Someday 3 Western scholars came at him to ask some scientific questions.
The first one asked : "Where is the center of the Earth ?" The peasant replyied :"Where I will nail my barn-nail, there would be the center of the earth". The scholar said :"Have you any argument to demonstrate this statement ?" The peasant replyied :"If you don't believe what i say, you can go and measure it". The scholar unable doing such a thing,necessarily agree.
The second scholar asked:" What is the number of the stars in the sky?" The peasant replyied :"The number of stars in the sky are equal with the number of my donkey's body hairs". The scholar said :"Based on which argument you pretend this?" The peasant said:"Would you please count the hairs of my donkey's body ?" This scholar too seeing the task is very hard kept silence.
The third scholar asked :"What is the number of my beard hairs?" The peasant replyied :"The number of your beard hairs are equal with the hairs of my donkey's tail". The scholar asked :"What is the relation between the tail of your donkey and my beard?" The peasant said:"It is very simple, I can pull out one per one a hair from your beard and a hair from my donkey's tail, if at the end the hairs are not equal, you will be right and I will agree with you". The third scholar astonished kept silence...
Ariane
How many programmers does it
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How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None - it's a hardware problem.
"Chance is irrelevant. We will succeed."
- Seven of Nine
Normally I used a
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Normally I used a 200Watt/230Volt light bulb to light my room.But someday when I turned on the commutator, suddenly the light bulb splintered and a "boom" of explosion resounded in the room. Given the "particles" of the bulb were scattered everywhere, i wore my boots. I spent 1 minute in zen meditation and then i put a light plastic helmet to protect my head, and with surgery gloves at my hands i gathered some electrician tools and ascended on a plastic chair. With an electrician scissors i took the reminder of the bulb and turned it to release the power box of the light bulb.After achieving this successful operation I tried a new light bulb and i turned on the commutator.But all my endeavours were in vain, not any light.
I went into another 1 minute of zen meditation, then i observed the electric wire and i noticed that it was burned. So i thought that i had found where was the problem. I cut off the burned part of the wire and after naked few centimeters of it, i installed a new power box for the light bulb by using some forceps and tiny crowbar and i pulled a bit the tongue-like strip inside the box for more confidence. Then i tried again the new light bulb. But at my disappointment , not any light. I knew that something in the insider electric installation was wrong and i left the task after cutting again the wire and making a safe plastic bandage , and thown away the power box. And i used an "abat-jour" in a corner of the room to have light.
When i described all my operations to change a light bulb to an electrician, he told me with astonishment :" madame, what you have done is totally above the skills of a quantum mechanician. I think even Heisenberg was unable to behave like this to change a light bulb ! "...
Ariane
RE: Normally I used a
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Ariane, you are wasting electricity. I am using a 20 W, 220 V, Osram Compacta bulb and it lights my living room. I use only modern power-efficient light bulbs with little or no heat production. Of course they cost more than Edison type bulbs but electrical power is very costly in Italy (no nuclear reactors) and it pays to spend more. Cheers.
Tullio
RE: RE: Normally I
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Oh Tullio, electrical power is not expensive at all in Tehran, not because we have nuclear reactors, but altogether the cost of life is very cheap here.On the other hand Tehran's market is full of all sort of ultra-modern electrical equipments and all the citizens use very fancy and modern things for light.What i told about what happened to me is just an example of my very medieval way of life i have by choice ,LOL ! Cheers
Ariane
RE: RE: RE: Oh
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