@Chris : Well, if they are then maybe Gerrid might like to claim them, or own up about it, or sort out the bug ownership with Jesus. Whatever is needed really. Hey ! Maybe someone could sign them over, legally as it were, with a title deed ? That's probably what is required ..... put spectacles on .... plus silly wig and gown ... look like a judge I mean ... frown slightly ...... make decisions .... instruct the prosecuting counsel .... destruct the defense counsel ..... ooh, aren't I into the legal terminology groove .... of course! No punishment where no pun is meant ! That's the ticket ! ...... Parole that roll of paper ! ..... glance down at the clerk of of the court .... give Clark a curt glance .... sign a document ..... document the sign .... bang the gavel and blow up then gravel with a bang the grovel up the barrel. Sorry .... :=)
@Annie : Is it just me or do you seem a bit of a blank today ? Anyhow nice to see you, err, or at least sense your presence.
Now I've just been to bloody court last week. Again. Anyone want to hear about it ? Of course you do. Thanks for asking !
County Court in Melbourne. Civil case. Giving expert testimony in my capacity as a registered medical practitioner ( ahem, LOL ). Primarily this means I'm not in trouble but someone else might be. I park the car in the high rise next to the court, it says $9 per day. But see my later note on this. I come up to security. Seriously they wouldn't let Jesus in if he didn't have an appointment. Go through the magic magnetic door. No red lights or flashing horns. They wave the wand of detecting up and down me. A dog sniffs my bum. Only biological weapons up there. A big guy in a uniform looks at me like I might leap at him. In reality I think he's thinking of leaping at me. I stay continent, which pleases all concerned, dog included. They search my Box Of Records which contains written evidence, clinical notes and statements of fact. I sense slight disappointment that neither nuclear secrets nor an Envelope Of Bribe was found within. I leave security with limbs intact.
I walk on in an unclear mind, fortunately someone tells me to go the other way as it seems I'm headed towards a door marked Building Maintenance and not Court # 2.1 as intended. No one has leapt upon me yet. This I assess as progress. Up an escalator. It was the right one. Up another escalator. Aha ! This Court building has several floors in it. Modern structures, eh ? I ask for the way to Court # 2.1, but as the statue of Judge EagerBeaver doesn't reply I decide to test a living person instead. I receive a polite & informative reply from a water cooler. I just have to work out what "Glug, glug" means. Who designed this place ? Ah. I find Court # 2.1 .....
No one is there. This is because I'm one half hour early. I've always been scared of missing the 10am time that's printed on the Subpoena. What is a subpoena anyway ? Some sort of not-quite-horsey thing, eh ? I play a stick-the-various-shapes-in-a-10-by-10-matrix type of game on the Ipad. Time passes. People do too. Everybody is black tie or black bow tie. Hours pass. Finally a clerkish chap comes up and sez : "Would you be DarkStar Hewson ?". I nod. He sez : "Come to this room". I do. The door is shut. I take a seat. I tap my fingers on the table. Hugo Weaving fails to come in and call me Mr Anderson. Two lawyer guys arrive, tell me stuff I can't relay to you. I know one of us in the room is stupid. I try to work out whom. They leave.
Mr Court Clark comes back. He enquires as to whether I wish to swear on the Bible or My Mother's Grave. Since Mum is still kicking I nominate The Good Book. He leads me into the courtroom. Witness Box. I swear at the Bible in a clear affirmative voice. Sit down. Immediately drink water from the glass : it wasn't there when I went in so who put it there ? I decide to concentrate as I'M ON .....
.... they take five minutes of questioning to decide whether I should be here at all. As usual I find a spot high up on the far wall and focus on it. I'm just responding to voices in the room. No eye contact with no one, except Your Honor of course. I have found over the years that really pisses the barristers off. No reason to miss the opportunity. Was I a Registered Medical Practitioner ? When was I endowed with my Licence To Kill ? Was I familiar with the matter of X vs. Y ? Etc ...
The lawyer who caused me to be here at all slips into questioning. Nothing hard. Yes. No. Don't Know. Possibly. It seems after some ten minutes he is going in circles. I'm not the only one to notice this.
The judge weighs in : "Mr HorseTwaddle. Why is it that you have called Dr Hewson to attend today ? What is the question you want to ask him ? We have all read his report on the matter. What is different about his opinion, from the five specialists, that deserves our particular attention today ?" I rest back. I pour another glass of water from the jug. I take a few sips. This looks to be a good show. I turn decide to turn my attention to the barrister's bench. Don't want to miss anything.
Now one could be forgiven for thinking that the judge had a secret ray gadget, disguised as an innocuous object and perhaps operated by a discrete joystick up on his bench. Mr HorseTwaddle began to look hot & sweaty. The gadget must be at least an infrared emitter then. He also started to babble a bit : "with all due respect" and "may I be so bold" and "on the face of it" plus "on reflection I suppose", not forgetting the good old "my learned colleague". Ah. His brain must be frying then. I'll put my money on a gamma ray channel too. Now he starts to drink from a glass of water also. Focussed neutrinos perhaps ?
Maybe fifteen minutes go by of this very entertaining judge/barrister interaction. My mind wanders and I recall a similar episode nearly thirty years ago. Another court. Another time. Me in the witness box watching Barrister Wants Another Universe. The exchange dies down. The judge instructs HorseTwaddle. Open questions. My replies must be accepted in evidence without complaint. After five further minutes of simple "Is East opposite to West" type of questions I am excused. The guy had only ever been fishing. Seriously if they thought what I might say would sway a case then they must have been desperate.
I don't know the backstory on why I was really called. Frankly I don't care. I found that $9/day parking was the weekend rate. I cough up $100 for four hours ( rounded up to nearest ). I'll hit the legal firm for a grand, plus parking .....
Cheers, Mike.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter ...
... and my other CPU is a Ryzen 5950X :-) Blaise Pascal
Well done Sir!! And I think "a grand" is a reasonable fee, after all some pt could have really needed you and is now being seen by someone who while qualified could miss something obscure that turns out to be really important to their overall condition, ie a tiny spot of skin cancer easily overlooked by those less in tune with looking for those things.
That reminds me of some 50 years ago when I jumped a red traffic light in South London, caught by the police, and got summonsed to appear at Lambeth Magistrates court. The way you were treated was as if you had committed murder. The hoity toity female leading the three on the bench said "You have heard the charge before you, do you have anything to say?"
I replied yes I do!! At the time in question I had a vehicle just a few feet behind me. If I had slammed on my brakes there would have been an RTA and two damaged vehicles. The junction is question is very wide with good visibility, and there was more than enough safety margin to go over.
I also added "In the same circumstances I can tell you now that I will do exactly the same again!!"
There was a large Hrrrmphh from the bench and a muttering between the three of them. Then po face said "Mr S, you are here to answer a charge of breaking a traffic law, not to justify your driving ability!".
I got 3 points and a fine.
The next day I wrote to the Clerk of the Court and said "In the best traditions of Mae West. I was not showing contempt for that court yesterday, I was doing my best to hide it!"
I didn't get a reply .......
Waiting for Godot & salvation :-)
Why do doctors have to practice?
You'd think they'd have got it right by now
The Good Herr Reverend Doctor Mike, M.D. or E. or maybe F. or G.:
Useless Factoid : I Googled "titular bug" and discovered it is a casual term for 'water striders' ie. the ones that walk on water using tiny hairs on their toesie wozies and surface tension. I'll sneak away now .....
It is indeed a useless factoid in this context, but kindly do stick around for a bit.
The Fine Odd Lady Annie:
You'll all also find I know what is needed to be known in order to not win the thread but be right despite that :) Yes! What I don't know is whether how David knows how I know, is how others might get to know what I know too.
That last sentence made no sense last night when I was only about 1/7 awake. I don't know whether or not to be frightened for my own mental health that it makes sense this morning. I also don't actually know that you know what needed to be known to solve the riddle of this thread and thus be able to either snipe for or plot against posting the winning post. I was planning to explain it in this post, but now I'd like to hear your solution before I post the right one (or, just possibly, confirm yours).
The Left Dishonorable Sir Mr. S, on numerous occasions: (paraphrasing because none of them are on this page)
I don't want to win.
Irrelevant, Sir. The fact is that you have won.
If you truly wish to abdicate the next thread for the peace and quiet and calling people miserable old gits that you love, I may be willing to determine an alternate winner. Let us know and I will make that decision after Annie explains how she knew exactly when to post to lose.
[edit]
If Chris really doesn't want it, are there any volunteers to be the alternate winner?
David
Miserable old git
Patiently waiting for the asteroid with my name on it.
Herr Reverend Doctor Mike, M.D. or E. or maybe F. or G.:
I'll leave that one to Mike.
Irrelevant, Sir. The fact is that you have won.
Rubbish, I don't believe a word of if it! Explain why my post was the winning one then?
I just think you are being obstreperous.
and calling people miserable old gits that you love,
I only call people miserable old gits when they actually are miserable old gits, and deserve to be called that.
I will not take on the mantle of thread winner until you have proved to me that it is a genuine win.
I don't want to win.
It is accepted good manners, and common courtesy around here, to give people a nudge when the chosen post number is approaching, so that those that were participating for fun but don't want to win could back off. I see that no such courtesy was extended to me. In fact ....
The That left Dishonorable Sir Mr. S, on numerous occasions: (paraphrasing because none of them are on this page)
If you truly wish to abdicate the next thread I may be willing to determine an alternate winner.
It is not a case of MAY, If I decline to participate you WILL find someone else.
Waiting for Godot & salvation :-)
Why do doctors have to practice?
You'd think they'd have got it right by now
Oh my - I have to do dinner round and about that place called a kitchen now :( and I'm a bit accident prone :/
I'll try to be quick though but I'm not myself in many respects so can't be sure how long quick actually is.
edit: I haven't started yet. I'm going to now though... I probably shouldn't have accessed the victory speech in the meantime. It'll be a hard one to follow...
Please wait here. Further instructions could pile up at any time. Thank you.
If Annie knows the meaning of the clues, she should get the win instead of Chris.
I agree 100%, a much more worthy winner!!
Oh my - I have to do dinner round and about that place called a kitchen now :( and I'm a bit accident prone :/
I'll try to be quick though but I'm not myself in many respects so can't be sure how long quick actually is.
edit: I haven't started yet. I'm going to now though... I probably shouldn't have accessed the victory speech in the meantime. It'll be a hard one to follow..
Annie it's easy peasy - look here
Your Majesty, your Royal Highnesses, my Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen.
FORNICATION!!
(pause for effect...)
(fumble for spectacles)
(Oh I do apologise, "For an occasion such as this ....)
Usually brings the house down!
No no, don't thank me, my pleasure :-))
Waiting for Godot & salvation :-)
Why do doctors have to practice?
You'd think they'd have got it right by now
From a Jesus bug to a number
From a Jesus bug to a number above the current thread count but not too far above. I haven't got a clue.
@Chris : Well, if they are
@Chris : Well, if they are then maybe Gerrid might like to claim them, or own up about it, or sort out the bug ownership with Jesus. Whatever is needed really. Hey ! Maybe someone could sign them over, legally as it were, with a title deed ? That's probably what is required ..... put spectacles on .... plus silly wig and gown ... look like a judge I mean ... frown slightly ...... make decisions .... instruct the prosecuting counsel .... destruct the defense counsel ..... ooh, aren't I into the legal terminology groove .... of course! No punishment where no pun is meant ! That's the ticket ! ...... Parole that roll of paper ! ..... glance down at the clerk of of the court .... give Clark a curt glance .... sign a document ..... document the sign .... bang the gavel and blow up then gravel with a bang the grovel up the barrel. Sorry .... :=)
@Annie : Is it just me or do you seem a bit of a blank today ? Anyhow nice to see you, err, or at least sense your presence.
Now I've just been to bloody court last week. Again. Anyone want to hear about it ? Of course you do. Thanks for asking !
County Court in Melbourne. Civil case. Giving expert testimony in my capacity as a registered medical practitioner ( ahem, LOL ). Primarily this means I'm not in trouble but someone else might be. I park the car in the high rise next to the court, it says $9 per day. But see my later note on this. I come up to security. Seriously they wouldn't let Jesus in if he didn't have an appointment. Go through the magic magnetic door. No red lights or flashing horns. They wave the wand of detecting up and down me. A dog sniffs my bum. Only biological weapons up there. A big guy in a uniform looks at me like I might leap at him. In reality I think he's thinking of leaping at me. I stay continent, which pleases all concerned, dog included. They search my Box Of Records which contains written evidence, clinical notes and statements of fact. I sense slight disappointment that neither nuclear secrets nor an Envelope Of Bribe was found within. I leave security with limbs intact.
I walk on in an unclear mind, fortunately someone tells me to go the other way as it seems I'm headed towards a door marked Building Maintenance and not Court # 2.1 as intended. No one has leapt upon me yet. This I assess as progress. Up an escalator. It was the right one. Up another escalator. Aha ! This Court building has several floors in it. Modern structures, eh ? I ask for the way to Court # 2.1, but as the statue of Judge EagerBeaver doesn't reply I decide to test a living person instead. I receive a polite & informative reply from a water cooler. I just have to work out what "Glug, glug" means. Who designed this place ? Ah. I find Court # 2.1 .....
No one is there. This is because I'm one half hour early. I've always been scared of missing the 10am time that's printed on the Subpoena. What is a subpoena anyway ? Some sort of not-quite-horsey thing, eh ? I play a stick-the-various-shapes-in-a-10-by-10-matrix type of game on the Ipad. Time passes. People do too. Everybody is black tie or black bow tie. Hours pass. Finally a clerkish chap comes up and sez : "Would you be DarkStar Hewson ?". I nod. He sez : "Come to this room". I do. The door is shut. I take a seat. I tap my fingers on the table. Hugo Weaving fails to come in and call me Mr Anderson. Two lawyer guys arrive, tell me stuff I can't relay to you. I know one of us in the room is stupid. I try to work out whom. They leave.
Mr Court Clark comes back. He enquires as to whether I wish to swear on the Bible or My Mother's Grave. Since Mum is still kicking I nominate The Good Book. He leads me into the courtroom. Witness Box. I swear at the Bible in a clear affirmative voice. Sit down. Immediately drink water from the glass : it wasn't there when I went in so who put it there ? I decide to concentrate as I'M ON .....
.... they take five minutes of questioning to decide whether I should be here at all. As usual I find a spot high up on the far wall and focus on it. I'm just responding to voices in the room. No eye contact with no one, except Your Honor of course. I have found over the years that really pisses the barristers off. No reason to miss the opportunity. Was I a Registered Medical Practitioner ? When was I endowed with my Licence To Kill ? Was I familiar with the matter of X vs. Y ? Etc ...
The lawyer who caused me to be here at all slips into questioning. Nothing hard. Yes. No. Don't Know. Possibly. It seems after some ten minutes he is going in circles. I'm not the only one to notice this.
The judge weighs in : "Mr HorseTwaddle. Why is it that you have called Dr Hewson to attend today ? What is the question you want to ask him ? We have all read his report on the matter. What is different about his opinion, from the five specialists, that deserves our particular attention today ?" I rest back. I pour another glass of water from the jug. I take a few sips. This looks to be a good show. I turn decide to turn my attention to the barrister's bench. Don't want to miss anything.
Now one could be forgiven for thinking that the judge had a secret ray gadget, disguised as an innocuous object and perhaps operated by a discrete joystick up on his bench. Mr HorseTwaddle began to look hot & sweaty. The gadget must be at least an infrared emitter then. He also started to babble a bit : "with all due respect" and "may I be so bold" and "on the face of it" plus "on reflection I suppose", not forgetting the good old "my learned colleague". Ah. His brain must be frying then. I'll put my money on a gamma ray channel too. Now he starts to drink from a glass of water also. Focussed neutrinos perhaps ?
Maybe fifteen minutes go by of this very entertaining judge/barrister interaction. My mind wanders and I recall a similar episode nearly thirty years ago. Another court. Another time. Me in the witness box watching Barrister Wants Another Universe. The exchange dies down. The judge instructs HorseTwaddle. Open questions. My replies must be accepted in evidence without complaint. After five further minutes of simple "Is East opposite to West" type of questions I am excused. The guy had only ever been fishing. Seriously if they thought what I might say would sway a case then they must have been desperate.
I don't know the backstory on why I was really called. Frankly I don't care. I found that $9/day parking was the weekend rate. I cough up $100 for four hours ( rounded up to nearest ). I'll hit the legal firm for a grand, plus parking .....
Cheers, Mike.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter ...
... and my other CPU is a Ryzen 5950X :-) Blaise Pascal
Well done Sir!! And I think
Well done Sir!! And I think "a grand" is a reasonable fee, after all some pt could have really needed you and is now being seen by someone who while qualified could miss something obscure that turns out to be really important to their overall condition, ie a tiny spot of skin cancer easily overlooked by those less in tune with looking for those things.
Lovely story Mike :-))) That
Lovely story Mike :-)))
That reminds me of some 50 years ago when I jumped a red traffic light in South London, caught by the police, and got summonsed to appear at Lambeth Magistrates court. The way you were treated was as if you had committed murder. The hoity toity female leading the three on the bench said "You have heard the charge before you, do you have anything to say?"
I replied yes I do!! At the time in question I had a vehicle just a few feet behind me. If I had slammed on my brakes there would have been an RTA and two damaged vehicles. The junction is question is very wide with good visibility, and there was more than enough safety margin to go over.
I also added "In the same circumstances I can tell you now that I will do exactly the same again!!"
There was a large Hrrrmphh from the bench and a muttering between the three of them. Then po face said "Mr S, you are here to answer a charge of breaking a traffic law, not to justify your driving ability!".
I got 3 points and a fine.
The next day I wrote to the Clerk of the Court and said "In the best traditions of Mae West. I was not showing contempt for that court yesterday, I was doing my best to hide it!"
I didn't get a reply .......
Waiting for Godot & salvation :-)
Why do doctors have to practice?
You'd think they'd have got it right by now
I wish we had Video
I wish we had Video recordings of both Chris + Mike's encounters LOL !
Bill
The Good Herr Reverend Doctor
The Good Herr Reverend Doctor Mike, M.D. or E. or maybe F. or G.:
It is indeed a useless factoid in this context, but kindly do stick around for a bit.
The Fine Odd Lady Annie:
That last sentence made no sense last night when I was only about 1/7 awake. I don't know whether or not to be frightened for my own mental health that it makes sense this morning. I also don't actually know that you know what needed to be known to solve the riddle of this thread and thus be able to either snipe for or plot against posting the winning post. I was planning to explain it in this post, but now I'd like to hear your solution before I post the right one (or, just possibly, confirm yours).
The Left Dishonorable Sir Mr. S, on numerous occasions: (paraphrasing because none of them are on this page)
Irrelevant, Sir. The fact is that you have won.
If you truly wish to abdicate the next thread for the peace and quiet and calling people miserable old gits that you love, I may be willing to determine an alternate winner. Let us know and I will make that decision after Annie explains how she knew exactly when to post to lose.
[edit]
If Chris really doesn't want it, are there any volunteers to be the alternate winner?
David
Miserable old git
Patiently waiting for the asteroid with my name on it.
Irrelevant, Sir. The fact is
I'll leave that one to Mike.
Rubbish, I don't believe a word of if it! Explain why my post was the winning one then?
I just think you are being obstreperous.
I only call people miserable old gits when they actually are miserable old gits, and deserve to be called that.
I will not take on the mantle of thread winner until you have proved to me that it is a genuine win.
It is accepted good manners, and common courtesy around here, to give people a nudge when the chosen post number is approaching, so that those that were participating for fun but don't want to win could back off. I see that no such courtesy was extended to me. In fact ....
It is not a case of MAY, If I decline to participate you WILL find someone else.
Waiting for Godot & salvation :-)
Why do doctors have to practice?
You'd think they'd have got it right by now
My condolences to you Chris
My condolences to you Chris for winning.
The heads up was granted though, David warned we were getting close.
If Annie knows the meaning of the clues, she should get the win instead of Chris.
Oh my - I have to do dinner
Oh my - I have to do dinner round and about that place called a kitchen now :( and I'm a bit accident prone :/
I'll try to be quick though but I'm not myself in many respects so can't be sure how long quick actually is.
edit: I haven't started yet. I'm going to now though... I probably shouldn't have accessed the victory speech in the meantime. It'll be a hard one to follow...
Please wait here. Further instructions could pile up at any time. Thank you.
My condolences to you Chris
Thankyou I need them :-))
I agree 100%, a much more worthy winner!!
Annie it's easy peasy - look here
Your Majesty, your Royal Highnesses, my Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen.
FORNICATION!!
(pause for effect...)
(fumble for spectacles)
(Oh I do apologise, "For an occasion such as this ....)
Usually brings the house down!
No no, don't thank me, my pleasure :-))
Waiting for Godot & salvation :-)
Why do doctors have to practice?
You'd think they'd have got it right by now