Humor

Kavanagh
Kavanagh
Joined: 29 Oct 06
Posts: 1,668
Credit: 101,312,226
RAC: 7,267

I once met Commander Grace

I once met Commander Grace Hopper, as she was then known, when she gave a lecture at York University. She was formidable.

Richard

Kavanagh
Kavanagh
Joined: 29 Oct 06
Posts: 1,668
Credit: 101,312,226
RAC: 7,267

They have signs in hospital

They have signs in hospital car parks which say, "Thieves Operate Here"
Personally, I'd feel a lot safer with a surgeon.

Richard

Tom M
Tom M
Joined: 2 Feb 06
Posts: 5,962
Credit: 8,045,552,397
RAC: 5,719,336

Kavanagh wrote: They have

Kavanagh wrote:

They have signs in hospital car parks which say, "Thieves Operate Here"
Personally, I'd feel a lot safer with a surgeon.

Ha!

But maybe they are warning of organ harvesting?  (organleging?)

A Proud member of the O.F.A.  (Old Farts Association).  Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.® (Garrison Keillor)

Tom M
Tom M
Joined: 2 Feb 06
Posts: 5,962
Credit: 8,045,552,397
RAC: 5,719,336

Depression. Its why you

Depression. Its why you (don't) get up in the morning.

Does your depression leave you down in the dumps? It might be time to start walking to get out of that part of the city.  (city dump)

After I get over my mania I will be depressed about it.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

 

       Fully human.

 

If you live in a village that has been built on top of the previous villages you don't have to go dumpster diving. You can just walk out the door...

A Proud member of the O.F.A.  (Old Farts Association).  Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.® (Garrison Keillor)

Kavanagh
Kavanagh
Joined: 29 Oct 06
Posts: 1,668
Credit: 101,312,226
RAC: 7,267

I bought a book called 'Do It

I bought a book called 'Do It Yourself Surgery'.

When I opened it, would you believe it… the appendix was missing!

 

Richard

Tom M
Tom M
Joined: 2 Feb 06
Posts: 5,962
Credit: 8,045,552,397
RAC: 5,719,336

Oh, my!

Oh, my!

A Proud member of the O.F.A.  (Old Farts Association).  Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.® (Garrison Keillor)

Tom M
Tom M
Joined: 2 Feb 06
Posts: 5,962
Credit: 8,045,552,397
RAC: 5,719,336

Depression is no fun.  He

Depression is no fun.  He grumped.

A Proud member of the O.F.A.  (Old Farts Association).  Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.® (Garrison Keillor)

Kavanagh
Kavanagh
Joined: 29 Oct 06
Posts: 1,668
Credit: 101,312,226
RAC: 7,267

A true story - Lt. Colonel

A true story -
Lt. Colonel Robert Maclaren retired from the British Army in 2001 after a long fulfilling career. On the day he retired he received a letter from the Personnel Department of the Ministry of Defence setting out details of his pension and, in particular, the tax-free ‘lump sum’ award, (based upon completed years of service), that he would receive in addition to his monthly pension.
The letter read,
"Dear Lt. Colonel Maclaren,
We write to confirm that you retired from the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards on 1st March 2001 at the rank of Lt Colonel, having been commissioned into the British Army at Edinburgh Castle as a 2nd Lieutenant on 1st February 1366.
Accordingly your lump sum payment, based on years served, has been calculated as £68,500. You will receive a cheque for this amount in due course.
Yours sincerely
Army Paymaster”
Colonel Maclaren replied;
“Dear Paymaster,
Thank you for your recent letter confirming that I served as an officer in the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards between 1st February 1366 and 1st March 2001 – a total period of 635 years and 1 month.
I note however that you have calculated my lump sum to be £68, 500, which seems to be considerably less than it should be bearing in mind my length of service since I received my commission from King Edward III.
By my calculation, allowing for interest payments and currency fluctuations, my lump sum should actually be £6, 427, 586, 619. 47p.
I look forward to receiving a cheque for this amount in due course.
Yours sincerely,
Robert Maclaren (Lt Col Retd)”
A month passed by and then in early April, a stout manilla envelope from the Ministry of Defence in Edinburgh dropped through Col. Maclaren’s letter box, it read:
“Dear Lt Colonel Maclaren,
We have reviewed the circumstances of your case as outlined in your recent letter to us dated 8th March inst. We do indeed confirm that you were commissioned into the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards by King Edward III at Edinburgh Castle on 1st February 1366, and that you served continuously for the following 635 years and 1 month.
We have re-calculated your pension and have pleasure in confirming that the lump sum payment due to you is indeed £6, 427, 586, 619. 47p.
However, we also note that according to our records you are the only surviving officer who had command responsibility during the following campaigns and battles;
The Wars of the Roses 1455 -1485 (Including the battles of Bosworth Field, Barnet and Towton) The Civil War 1642 -1651 (Including the battles Edge Hill, Naseby and the conquest of Ireland) The Napoleonic War 1803 – 1815 (including the battle of Waterloo and the Peninsular War) The Crimean War (1853 – 1856) (including the battle of Sevastopol and the Charge of the Light Brigade) The Boer War (1899 -1902) World War One (1914-1918).
We would therefore wish to know what happened to the following, which do not appear to have been returned to Stores by you on completion of operations:
9765 Cannons
26,785 Swords
12,889 Pikes
127,345 Rifles (with bayonets)
28,987 horses (fully kitted
Plus three complete marching bands with instruments and banners.
We have calculated the total cost of these items and they amount to £6,427,518.119.47p.
We have therefore subtracted this sum from your lump sum, leaving a residual amount of £68,500, for which you will receive a cheque in due course.
Yours sincerely . . . .”

Richard

Tom M
Tom M
Joined: 2 Feb 06
Posts: 5,962
Credit: 8,045,552,397
RAC: 5,719,336

Ha. Haha. 

Ha. Haha.  Hahaha!!!!!

Thank you. That was great way to start my afternoon.

A Proud member of the O.F.A.  (Old Farts Association).  Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.® (Garrison Keillor)

GWGeorge007
GWGeorge007
Joined: 8 Jan 18
Posts: 2,919
Credit: 4,816,723,285
RAC: 2,558,086

LOL  Very nice true story ! 

LOL  Very nice true story !  LOL  I got a kick out of the Army Paymaster's reply.  LOL

George

Proud member of the Old Farts Association

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