Humor Including Jokes, Puns, Shaggy dog stories etc.

Kavanagh
Kavanagh
Joined: 29 Oct 06
Posts: 778
Credit: 95,502,382
RAC: 4,871

During my daughter's

During my daughter's difficult birth the midwife asked "What about epidural anaesthesia?"
I replied "Thanks, but we've already chosen names"

Richard

RandyC
RandyC
Joined: 18 Jan 05
Posts: 4,180
Credit: 111,139,797
RAC: 0

I had my patience tested--I'm

I had my patience tested--I'm negative.

Seti Classic Final Total: 11446 WU.

cecht
cecht
Joined: 7 Mar 18
Posts: 1,024
Credit: 1,466,409,084
RAC: 1,526,485

That fire at the circus was

That fire at the circus was in tents!

Ideas are not fixed, nor should they be; we live in model-dependent reality.

Kavanagh
Kavanagh
Joined: 29 Oct 06
Posts: 778
Credit: 95,502,382
RAC: 4,871

A little girl walks into a

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks the shopkeeper for a bunny.

“An 'icle fluffy white one or an 'icle fluffy brown one little girl?”

“I don’t think my python really cares”

Richard

Kavanagh
Kavanagh
Joined: 29 Oct 06
Posts: 778
Credit: 95,502,382
RAC: 4,871

A very sad day today. After

A very sad day today.
After seven years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion.
He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession.
What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

Richard

Tom M
Tom M
Joined: 2 Feb 06
Posts: 1,944
Credit: 3,472,510,007
RAC: 6,255,637

From a Dennis the Menace

From a Dennis the Menace Riddle book.

"What can the shape of a piano tell you about a piano's Character?"

 

 

 

 

A piano's character can be "Grand, upright or square"...

Still a Member of the O.F.A (Old Farts Association).
The illusion of control is sustained by the randomness of "murphy's law."

 

 

Kavanagh
Kavanagh
Joined: 29 Oct 06
Posts: 778
Credit: 95,502,382
RAC: 4,871

  Problem solved.

 

Problem solved.

Richard

Tom M
Tom M
Joined: 2 Feb 06
Posts: 1,944
Credit: 3,472,510,007
RAC: 6,255,637

What country

What country mourns?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wales.

 

 

 

From a book of Riddles branded as Dennis the Menace...

Still a Member of the O.F.A (Old Farts Association).
The illusion of control is sustained by the randomness of "murphy's law."

 

 

Gary Charpentier
Gary Charpentier
Joined: 13 Jun 06
Posts: 1,456
Credit: 72,876,608
RAC: 29,375

So I woke up and my dog is

So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones. I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard then I ZOOMED back home. Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong? They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.

Tom M
Tom M
Joined: 2 Feb 06
Posts: 1,944
Credit: 3,472,510,007
RAC: 6,255,637

Gary Charpentier wrote: I

Gary Charpentier wrote:

I hear my neighbors screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong? They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.

Oh dear. Either a zombie joke or a raising the dead joke.

Either way it is "awfully" funny.

Tom M

Still a Member of the O.F.A (Old Farts Association).
The illusion of control is sustained by the randomness of "murphy's law."

 

 

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